Today I am super excited to welcome our friend Kari Gregg back to the blog. Kari is here to talk to us more about her new release, Half a Million Dead Cannibals. She has also brought with her some goodies for a giveaway. So please join me in giving Kari a big welcome!
I’ve been watching zombie movies since I was ten. No kidding. Camp or gore, on film or in fiction, zombies have been on my brain (nom nom nom) since…forever. You can’t invest a few decades in the undead without learning a trick or ten thousand so if you aren’t ready for the coming plague (and it’s coming, she says, cackling with glee), no worries. Behold, my misspent youth’s (and misspent adulthood’s) acquired wisdom:
- Choose your apocalypse survival buddies carefully. Preferably, s/he should be sexier than you and run slower. Referring to your survival buddy as Emergency Zombie Bait or Raider Bait, however, is unwise. Disregard the Zombie/Raider Bait Plan only if you happen to be best buds with ninja assassins.
- Hide out with the oldest people you can find. If they join the ranks of the undead, odds are pretty good they won’t have any teeth left so they’ll just gum you to death. Big whoop.
- If you live in a city, shelter in place and by that I mean, pretend that you’re hiding from your kids for ONE GD SECOND OF PEACE & QUIET, PLEASE. Choose an interior room with no windows. Take your laptop and/or smartphone. As long as the electrical grid holds, you may confuse this with every other Tuesday of your existence, but Twitter will remind you why you’re hunkering in a closet with emergency Nutella.
- Prepare for the apocalypse by stockpiling resources NOW. Forget food and water. Do you want to sprint through a herd of undead for coffee? Lube? Toilet paper? Didn’t think so.
- Forget guns. If you’ve ever fired a gun, you know how loud they are and guess what guns require? Ammo. The more you fire the gun, the more noise draws zombies, requiring still more ammo. Lose/lose. Plus, everyone and their Great (undead) Aunt Gertrude will sprint to gun shops when the first reports of zombies pop on the radar. Screw that. Forget the grocery store, too, unless you want to join the lunatics wrestling over the last loaf of bread. Nah, head to your nearest adult/porn store. If you’re going to die, you might as well go in some kick-ass leathers, no? If you feel like you absolutely must scavenge some manner of food, raid the novelty displays for edible underwear and penis suckers. You’ll be the coolest zombie in the apocalypse. Guaranteed.
Leave a comment below with your email address and your tip for surviving the undead horde (fleeing to the mall like Dawn of the Dead? the eternal caravan of Resident Evil Extinction? vamping Daryl from The Walking Dead?) for a shot at a Zombie Outbreak Response Team car decal like the one on the left.
Commenters will also receive an entry into my Half a Million Dead Cannibals Zombie Survival Kit Contest (details about the prize and moar chances to win it here). Please leave your comment by Thursday, March 7 at 11:59 pm EST.
Zombies are coming, guys. Comment, comment, comment! While you still can…
Strangers, Riley and Graham sheltered together in a basement storage unit when the zombie outbreak slammed into the world three months ago. They lived through the first blast of the plague, but they may not last much longer among survivors scrambling for dwindling resources. They agree to hike from the city and to the safety of the mountains.
They didn’t count on the storm they hoped would cover their exit developing into a Nor’easter, though, and they sure didn’t think their visibility would shrink so badly that they’d hike into the leading edge of a zombie swarm, either. In the chaos of escaping the ravenous horde, they are separated, with Graham racing toward feral dog packs to the east and Riley sprinting to hostile survivors hunting them to the west.
Nobody said finding and keeping a quality guy (alive) during the apocalypse would be easy.
Author Bio & Links
Kari Gregg lives in the mountains of Wild and Wonderful West Virginia with her Wonderful husband and three very Wild children. When Kari’s not writing, she enjoys reading, coffee, zombie flicks, coffee, naked mud-wrestling (not really), and . . . coffee!
- Website: http://www.KariGregg.com
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Kari.M.Gregg
- Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4366316.Kari_Gregg
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/karigregg