Hi everyone! Today I am very excited to welcome author Madison Parker to the blog. Madison is here to tell us more about her new release, Play Me, I’m Yours. I reviewed it earlier this week and totally loved it! Please join me in giving her a big welcome!
Have you ever read a book and thought, “Ugh, the main character is so whiney!” or “Man, it’s exhausting being inside his head.” There’s a good chance you were reading about an introvert. There’s an even better chance you were reading a book written by an introvert.
Introverts tend to be thinkers rather than doers. That doesn’t mean we don’t do stuff. We do. We just like to think before we act. We think a lot about what we do, what we’ve done, and what we plan to do. We think about everything. We think about what we want to say before we say it (unless we’re put on the spot, in which case we’re vulnerable to saying some pretty stupid things). We think about conversations long after they’re done. We think of all the things we should have said but didn’t (and often beat ourselves up about it). When something happens to us, we think about how it makes us feel. That’s not to say we’re self-centered. We think about how you feel too. It can be exhausting, but we’re pretty comfortable with who we are. The problem is, many extroverts aren’t.
There are a lot of misconceptions out there about introverts. People assume we’re shy (some of us are, but certainly not all of us), that we’re loners (we like people too! we just need some alone time to recharge in between social encounters), or worse—that we’re stuck up (it’s not that we don’t like you; we’re just really bad at making small talk). Introverts tend to feel more comfortable in small group settings as opposed to large gatherings. We prefer talking about things that are important over idle chit chat. In fact, if you prattle on too much, our minds are likely to wander to far away places while we smile and nod at you. That explains the deer-in-the-headlights look we sometimes get when you ask us a question at the end of a long spiel. Squirt!
The following table serves to illustrate the difference between being an introvert and being shy. Remember, most people don’t fall neatly into one box. These things exist on a spectrum. You can be really shy or a little bit shy. Also keep in mind that shyness is something you can overcome; it is behavior. Introversion, on the other hand, is not something you can change.
Introvert
(thrives on internal reflection) |
Extrovert
(thrives on external stimuli) |
|
---|---|---|
Shy
(anxious) |
We are perceived as loners. We are uncomfortable in social situations and prefer solitude or one-on-one interaction.
|
We have it rough. We want to be around people but are fearful of negative judgment. We’re more inhibited and more likely to get our feelings hurt than our non-shy counterparts.
|
Not Shy |
We are happy and comfortable around our close-knit group of friends. We’re great listeners, and we’re easy to talk to once you get to know us.
|
We’re the life of the party! We are uninhibited and thrive on being around people.
|
It’s not easy being an introvert. We often feel out of place because our society values charismatic people with big personalities over those who are quiet and introspective. We’re constantly bombarded with the message that we’re “wrong”—that the way we are isn’t the way we should be. If we’d just loosen up and try harder to fit in, everyone would be happier, right? Wrong. We don’t choose to be introverts. We just are. It’s the way our brains are wired. Besides, we like being introverts. And we have a lot to offer. Introverts are deep thinkers, and as such, we can be highly creative people who are great problem-solvers. Although introverts are a minority in the general population, we actually make up a majority of the gifted population! We have rich and imaginative stories to tell (so long as we can write them rather than speak them).
When it comes to writing introverted characters, balance is key. Too many internal monologues will exhaust the reader. Too much fretting about things gone wrong will likely turn the reader off as well. I have found that humor goes a long way towards achieving a comfortable balance when things start to feel too heavy. That, and a healthy mix of characters with distinct personalities, helps to keep things in check.
As a writer, I love my main characters; I want to see them happy and well cared for. Understanding the needs of introverts goes a long way towards helping them achieve fullfillment. Of course, as a writer, I also have to make them work for their happy endings. If I need to create tension or introduce conflict, I can simply break one of the following rules, and see how the characters react.
In Play Me, I’m Yours, Lucas is both introverted and shy. He’s also gay. Triple whammy! How will he ever find love? Being gay and introverted poses its own set of challenges. Where do gay people meet other gay people? Parties? Clubs? Bars? PRIDE parades? Local events? Large gatherings can be very intimidating for introverts. Initiating coversation with strangers can be downright terrifying. Many introverts choose to stay home rather than put themselves through that uncomfortable experience. Many simply wait. They wait for someone else to approach them. And that person will likely be an extrovert. Introverts and extroverts can forge wonderful lasting relationships if they respect and appreciate each other’s unique quailities.
I love reading about introverted characters, as I tend to feel a strong connection with them. In most novels, the main character starts out with a fatal flaw, then shows growth over time, overcoming both internal and external obstacles by the end of the story. But let’s be clear: introversion is not a weakness, nor is it something one needs to overcome. Please, authors, don’t try to change us; we’ll never become extroverts. But throughout the course of our journey, please do help us to see that we have a lot to offer, as we are often insecure. Help us to love and accept ourselves for who we are, and help us to connect with friends and loved ones who appreciate us the way we are too.
Play Me, I’m Yours by Madison Parker
Published by Harmony Ink Press
Fairy Tate. Twinklefingers. Lucy iLu. Will the taunting ever end? Lucas Tate suffers ridicule because of his appearance and sensitive nature. When he’s not teased, he’s ignored, and he doesn’t know which is worse. His one comfort in life is his music; he feels unloved by everyone. What he wants more than anything is to find a friend.
Much to his dismay, both his mom and a schoolmate are determined to find him a boyfriend, despite the fact Lucas hasn’t come out to them. His mom chooses a football player who redefines the term “heartthrob,” while Trish pushes him toward the only openly gay boy at Providence High. But Lucas is harboring a crush on another boy, one who writes such romantic poetry to his girlfriend that hearing it melts Lucas into a puddle of goo. All three prospects seem so far out of his league. Lucas is sure he doesn’t stand a chance with any of them—until sharing his gift for music brings him the courage to let people into his heart.
Click here to read the first chapter.
Visit Madison Parker’s Website at www.madisonparklove.com for bonus materials including character sketches, piano covers, music videos, and lyrics for songs referenced in the novel.
To celebrate the release of Play Me, I’m Yours, Madison Parker is hosting a giveaway. Enter to win your choice of a free copy of Play Me, I’m Yours or a $10 gift certificate from Rainbow eBooks by leaving a comment below along with your email address. For multiple chances to win, comment at each stop along the tour. Click here for the complete tour schedule. Winners will be chosen randomly on April 23.
Madison
Thanks for this wonderful blog post. The information you provide is both accurate and important. I think there’s a lot of misunderstanding about introverted people, and I’m often frustrated when extroverts ridicule, criticize, or try to forcefully change introverts. I’ve even heard people label introverts as being socially retarded or social outcasts. I think a big part of being introverted is hyper sensitivity, and in general, people tend to view sensitivity as a weakness. This is particularly true in business or any setting where competitiveness is a key component. A lot of companies think that salesmanship and extroversion are synonymous. Those of us who are introverted, though, detest high-pressure, in-your-face sales pitches.
In big social events such as the conferences where we celebrate our genre and mingle with other authors and readers who share our passion, the outgoing, highly talkative people become the superstars. They get up on the dance floor, volunteer for public speaking and readings, and thrive off all the attention. But they might or might not be the most talented authors. They just have the biggest personalities and are using their social skills to sell their brand. For those of us who are introverted, this type of marketing is not even a remote possibility.
On Good Reads in particular, I often notice reviews where the reader despises the introverted characters. I’ve seen them labeled as “weak”, “whiny”, “pathetic”, “lectury”, etc. Interestingly enough, those characters tend to be the ones I love the most and the same personality types I tend to write as my main characters. The snarky, sarcastic, over-confident heroes seem to be the ones who get the most praise.
I loved Play Me, I’m Yours, and I think it’s a wonderful example of a touching story where the main character is introverted and ultimately accepts that he’s OK exactly the way he is. I hope we see a lot more stories with characters just like him, and I hope that when you do see those occasional reviews where people complain about the characters being too shy or weak, that you utterly disregard their negative comments.
Thanks, Jeff. I completely understand how you feel. I admit that I have often thought of myself as being “socially retarded”. I’d never even heard of introversion until I was in college, and by then, I’d lived through years and years of thinking there was something really wrong with me and that I was just unlikable. I’m happy to say that now I’m very comfortable with myself (even when I have uncomfortable moments, I at least understand WHY and know that it’s okay). It definitely feels like a burden sometimes, but in many ways, it has made me really strong.
Thank you for your kind comments about Lucas. I have seen some criticism already from people who said he was too sensitive and that they wanted to see him do more or be more at the end of the story, but I really feel he came a long way on his journey. He’s happy with himself and he feels loved by the end (and not just in the romantic sense), so I maintain that he got his happy ending. 🙂
Loved the blurb! Please count me in. Thanks!!!
gisu29(at)gmail(dot)com
Loved this! Trying to explain this to people is not easy and you did a fabulous job!
Thanks, Allison. I think it’s far easier for introverts to “get” extroverts than it is the other way around. *sigh*
Wonderful post! I really recognized myself in your description 🙂 I love my family and friends but hate to be in the spot light and often confuse my folks with my need for some ME-time alone. It all gets a bit overwhelming on occasion! And I agree with Jeff Erno’s comment, for me it comes down to being hyper-sensitive myself and big gatherings of people and loud noises really do me in. Small groups are fine!
I loved “Play Me I’m Yours” right from the first peek at the cover and reading the excerpt. Absolutely beautiful story! Very likeable, realistic characters! I wanted to hug and protect Lucas throughout the story! Glad he found Zach 🙂
stormymonday AT gmx DOT net
Thanks! I was laughing all the way through that YouTube video, because I recognized myself in nearly all of it. Especially the “cleaning up at parties” bit. I need to invest in a “squirt gun of justice”. LOL
Totally agree. I love introverted characters cause I am one. For years all that came out in fiction were books about people who were the life of the party. I’m so never going to be the life of the party. Maybe if I throw one for my cats! I certainly relate better to those more internal characters and have a hard time getting the ones who are out partying all the time. I do have a few extroverted friends, and I’d like to think they get me, but most of my crew are introverts like me. Makes you wonder how we found each other, eh?
I loved Play me, I’m yours. I kept saying, “come on, Lucas, just talk to the man!” but I know how hard that is, so can’t fault him too much for waiting. Meanwhile, I hated Donovan. Probably not what the author intended. One of those pushy extroverts. The kind we introverts learn are pretty fake. I think there was more depth to him than we saw, but if I met him at a bar I’d smack him. (not that I’d go to a bar).
I do clean up at parties! And help serve. 🙂 Yeah, it keeps me from having to talk to people. The past two GRLs I helped people carry stuff, or set up tables, helped translate for a couple of deaf friends, anything not to talk. Which is a big reason why I’m not going this year. It’s a lot of work to not talk to people for three-five days and find enough alone time to recharge. Plus I spend the next few months afterward feeling like an idiot cause I said or didn’t say something while I was there.
I wonder if someone would hit me if I actually used the squirt gun of justice…
Thanks, Lissa. I wish we’d met at the last GRL. It was pretty overwhelming for me, too. I usually have no problem staying up late, but I was so completely exhausted every night we were there I wanted to conk out before 9 o’clock! I did have fun, though, and am looking forward to attending this year.
I totally feel ya about kicking yourself for something you did or didn’t say. I definitely had one of those moments with TJ Klune…LOL.
Just be sure to get the “super soaker” squirt gun of justice, so you have more time to run away!
I would definitely considered an introvert.
Hi Madison, what a wonderful, thoughtful post! Maybe there should be a Kinsey scale for this too because there are situations where I’m not my usual extroverted self. Also we have the same concerns – thinking about what to say and about we said after the fact. However much I have fun when I’m out, I can’t wait to get home to read lol! Reading your book now & it’s wonderful watching Lucas come into his own.
Thank you, Mary. So what you’re saying is… you’re versatile. 😉
With an introvert husband and some close introvert friends sprinkled here and there in my life, I think I’ve been more aware of how the world is for introverts. I remember when my husband and I were first together, if we’d have an argument over something, I’d be feeling, “why isn’t he answering?!” and get so frustrated that he wasn’t responding, but it wasn’t until later that I learned he needed to get his thoughts together before he said anything. Or if he’d need to walk away (obviously to regroup and think), I’d get upset that we weren’t tackling the problem RIGHT THEN. At first, when I just changed my expectations of how our talks would be (somehow I got wise enough to realize the only person we get to change is ourselves and our own reactions!), it was just me letting his style of conflict resolution be his style. It wasn’t until later as I read more and more about introverts that I realized why that was his style.
As you say, the world is sort of tailored for extroverts, so it was no problem for him to let me be spouting all the things I had to say at once, running off at the mouth as a new thought hit my brain and fell out of my mouth in almost exact the same moment. He never said to me, “hey, could you just stop thinking and saying things one after the other; give it some more careful thought,” and I had to stop saying, “WELL, are you going to say anything to that?!” Luckily, we had the foundation of loving each other, and I realized soon enough me wanting him to have a different style wasn’t going to change anything. Now, I have my say, and I know he’ll get back to me in his time with his thoughts.
I think it’s interesting to watch how he’s grown as an introvert, from someone who only talked to me if we were out around the regular population to someone who happily chats away with others. Madison, I think that chart you put up was spot on. He used to be an “anxious” introvert but has turned into a “calm” one. It’s amazing to think how being an introvert molded his personality, the simple fact of being one but no one really tending to or caring about how to let that be okay, not even, in some cases, himself. So, I always pass along introvert links when I see them because I do think there needs to be more understanding.
SOOO, to get back to the subject of your book, I got a chance to get it (loved the blurb), and it’s sitting there waiting to be read. I am really looking forward to it even more once I read Jay’s review and had a chance to read this discussion. I love background to the book, gives it more depth for me.
By the way, I LOVE the fact that we have the internet where introverts and extroverts get to be just who they are and everyone’s style meshes so well; the world becomes a level playing field.
Thanks so much for sharing with us!
Thanks for sharing your experiences—I’m sure it was very frustrating for both you and your husband in the beginning, but I’m glad to hear you pulled through it and have reached a better understanding. I’m sure your understanding played a huge role in your husband overcoming his anxieties.
You also make an excellent point about the Internet giving introverts a chance to shine. I know I’m far better at letting my personality come through when I have the time to think about what I’d like to say and there’s no one staring me in the face while I say it. 🙂
I hope you enjoy getting to know Lucas!
Thank you for a wonderful post! I’m an introvert and I struggled to overcome my shyness for a long time. The shyness is better now, but I’ll always be introverted. I think a lot of people don’t truly understand what that means, and you explained it wonderfully. I’m really looking forward to reading Play Me I’m Yours. Thanks so much for the giveaway as well. Please count me in!
Thanks, Antonia. I’m not as shy as I used to be either, but it’s still a struggle for me at times. First dates and job interviews are THE WORST! Luckily, I’m married now, so no more first dates!
I find that the older I get the more I withdraw. Since I retired I don’t have to force myself to deal with people if I don’t want to and I’m OK with that just wish my kids were more understanding.
I hadn’t thought of that, Nancy. That could easily be me, too in a few years…
Bookmarking this post! As a shy introvert, it’s almost criminal how well this post describes me. I love reading about introverts, because I feel so at home inside their heads.
*hugs* I get you. 🙂
Yes, this is a great post. All knowledge spread about introverts is a great thing. And please don’t count me in the giveaway, because I am reading your book as we speak. (I’ve been really enjoying it too.)
Thanks! I hope you enjoy Lucas’s journey. And you could still win a gift certificate. 🙂
Oh gosh, I’m saving this post. I’m an introvert myself. I agreed to go to GRL with two friends and I even signed up as an author and… now I’m all anxious about that because, you know, that means being where there are lots of other people and I never know what to say until ten minutes later when it sounds inane. I’m hoping the signing isn’t too bad and I can escape afterward into some corner and just people-watch, which is tons of fun and completely useful. Maybe I can find a nice person or two to hang out with. 🙂 Yep, complete introvert. But I like people. I really do! So yeah, this post nails it. Writing introverts has never been a problem for me because, well, I know where they live. Great post!
Hi, Tali! Maybe we can hang out and people-watch together. I had a few eating-awkwardly-alone moments at last year’s GRL, but hopefully this year I’ll be more…oh heck, who I am kidding? LOL. Definitely say hello when you see me!!
Wonderful post! As an introvert who generally writes introverted characters, I could really relate.
Great post Madison and thanks so much for stopping by today!
I found your post really interesting, especially the part about where people get their energy. I have always been an extrovert on all the personality tests, but I have found over the last few years I enjoy being alone much more than I ever have. I think it is because I work from home and my kids are in school full day so I spend lots of time by myself. I love to go out to eat alone with my book or just have quiet time to myself. So I often wonder if my introvert side is coming out.
But then I think about the idea of extroverts getting their energy from people and really this totally describes me. When I am at a party or with a group, I tend to be much more outgoing and energized than when alone or in a small group. GRL was probably the best example. I kept marveling that I was so wired the entire time, surviving on 50% of my normal sleep, and yet still was practically manic with energy. I guess being with a crowd was buoying me up, while for many others it was draining.
So lots to think about. Thanks again for your visit today!
Thanks for having me, Jay! And a HUGE thank you for going out of your way to make me and many others feel comfortable and included at last year’s GRL. The newbie meet-n-greet was great, but you went even further by talking to us “cherries” throughout the weekend, LOL. 🙂
Can’t wait to see you again in Atlanta!
Me too Madison! I appreciated you all letting me hang out with you throughout the weekend, especially since I didn’t know anyone there. And yes, the meet and greet was great. I can’t wait to do it again this year. Look forward to seeing you this fall!
Enjoyed the post! 😀
Please count me in~~
Judi
arella3173_loveless@yahoo(dot)com
Sure thing! Please feel free to leave a comment at each tour stop for multiple chances to win.
Very well said! I think i find i am mostly a calm introvert, i really have no trouble going to parties or meeting people, in fact i really love it. But i do spend quite a lot of time in my head, thinking, plotting, if you will…. And i totally get the “exhausted from listening” thing from the video. That is just too true, i take quite a while to process information and i have sometimes worried that people take that for not paying attention or being slow on the uptake.
I think one of the biggest compliments i’ve ever had was when a friend who i didn’t know quite what to make of early on because he was always so quiet and “aloof” seeming (didn’t help that he’s a musician!) said to someone else that i was “such a cool person.” I suddenly realized that he *got* my more observational than interactive habits for what they were.
I aspire to be a calm introvert. I’m probably right in the middle of the shy/calm spectrum.
One of my all-time favorite movies is The Good Girl. I love the scene where Holden says, “I have not been able to get rid of you in my head. I’ll never want anything so bad, and I’ve wanted many things. I’d given up long ago on being ‘gotten’ by someone else, and then you came along. The idea that I could be gotten because of circumstance, or never get got, is the worst feeling I’ve ever felt, and I have felt many bad feelings.” Well, it doesn’t sound that great on paper, but it was sweet. 🙂
Thanks for sharing. I’m an extrovert, so it’s nice to hear from the POV of an introvert.
tiger-chick-1(at)hotmail(dot)com
I like to think of being an introvert as generating my energy internally, while extroverts get their energy externally.
I can sometimes seem outgoing, but it’s draining to do.
I definitely tend toward introversion, so I feel like printing out the checklist and handing it to people! I love Lucas and Zach together, this tour will be fun…
Sheesh, forgot the e-mail: vitajex(at)aol(dot)com
I love the discussion we’ve had here! I hope you’ll join me on my other tour stops. Tomorrow’s post may be a bit controversial…
Having always been an introvert, I feel for these characters in stories. They’re often misunderstood by those to whom social interaction comes easily, their behaviour interpreted as standoffishness.
Please add me to the draw,
This post is not only food for thought, but a whole meal. 😀 Thank you. I feel like a actually know myself a little better now. I never really thought about the energy issue, but it makes sense. Social situations can be exhausting.
Excellent post…from a “not shy” introvert. Sometimes I think we have a harder time. Our core group of family and friends don’t understand our reluctance to go to parties and group activities because they don’t “see” our inner introvert. We always interact with them so they don’t get why that doesn’t naturally transfer to strangers.
Can’t wait to read the book.
That’s an excellent point, Melissa. Thanks for joining the discussion. 🙂
Your posting did an excellent job in discussing about introverts. Whenever I took outside job courses which talked about personality types, the course instructor (who always seemed to be an extrovert) would make the personality types that were more introverted and analytical as less desirable. There are strengths and weaknesses to being an introvert or extrovert.
strive4bst(At) yahoo(Dot) com
Thanks for standing up for us introverts. It’s nice to be accepted as I am.
annawelch23456(at)hotmail(dot)com
You’re welcome! 🙂
Hi Madison. Wow, you have just opened my eyes in a grand way! In my 20’s and 30’s I used to be described as a bubbly kind of person. Now, it takes me at least a couple of hours to prepare myself mentally and emotionally to leave my house, which I only do to go to the store and back. I feel I have a mix of Introvert and extrovert. Once I leave the house I can talk to anyone without feeling nauceous first. (Panic & anxiousness) I can do okay in crowds, dance, sing, etc. But it take for me to prepare myself before I can do so. So, I don’t know if I’m sitting on the fence between the two.
Thank you for posting such an interesting view of Introversion and Extraversion. I’m on my way to read more on the subject and educate myself even more.
Z.
zeoanne@gmail.com
Nice blurb 🙂 Count me in please!
penumbrareads(at)gmail(dot)com
Thanks everyone! The winners have been announced HERE!