Hello everyone! Today I am so excited to welcome the fabulous Brin from J.A. Rock and Lisa Henry’s Boy series. The latest book in the series, The Boy Who Belonged, has just been released and I just loved it. So today we are getting a visit from one of my favorite characters who is sharing his tips for some kinky Christmas decorating. The authors have also brought a copy of the book to give away!
So welcome Brin (and Lisa and J.A.)!
For this post, we decided to let Brin, THE BOY series’ resident brat, share some of his holiday decorating tips with you all. Brin, who lives with his dom, Ferg, in a domestic discipline relationship and has a passion for clothes, dessert burritos, and innuendos, is an expert on Christmas. Take it away, Brin!
(P.S. All of products in Brin’s Christmas illustrations are available for purchase by clicking on the images)
Brin’s 100% Pure Sparkle Madness Guide to the BEST Christmas EVER!!!!!
Christmas is nearly upon us! (And if you play your cards right, maybe it won’t be the only thing upon you this holiday season). The goose is fat, the stockings are stuffed tighter than a—sorry, Fergus is watching me type this and is shaking his head no—and the presents had *better* include a Victoria’s Secret voucher, or else Victoria’s real secret is going to be that time she witnessed a certain lug head getting strangled with a pair of sequined cheekini panties.
But we must bear in mind that Christmas isn’t just about what you get. Or about what you give. Or what you take, even though it burns a little. It’s also about how you decorate!!! So please, let me guide your sleigh of possibilities through the snowflake-spangled sky of my wisdom. I have seen far too many disastrous decoration schemes not to let y’all in on a few holiday tips and tricks for making your home a little merrier, a little brighter…and a little naughtier this year. 🙂 🙂 🙂
- Go big or go home. Chickens, Christmas is not the time to be stingy! You all know what happened to Scrooge. He fell into a treasure chest of hellfire. At least, I think that’s what happened. I’ve only ever seen the Mickey version, and I was very young. You WANT it too look like Christmas showed up to a party unannounced, drank all the Mistletoe Mojitos, and then threw up all over your house. I’m talking stockings, I’m talking light up reindeer, I’m talking about a miniature Dickens village on your buffet. I’m talking inflatable Snoopy. Passersby should feel intimidated by the sheer AMOUNT of tidings, cheer, and man-sized candy canes you’ve got going on. But not so intimidated that the cute ones won’t let you stick your man-sized candy cane in–Fergus! What? Yes, go get a drink. Get a hundred drinks, and let me finish this in peace!!!
- If you’ve been naughty… Santa will bring you a lump of coal and a switch. I always help him out by pre-stuffing my stocking with a SPANK ME SANTA paddle and whittling a lump of coal into the shape of a butt plug, so that he can stuff me, if he wants.
- Make yourself as accessible as possible to Santa. Santa has a hard job, and he shouldn’t have to struggle any more than necessary to get his packages in the right place. That means on Christmas Eve, once I’ve set out the milk and cookies on the hearth and performed a rendition of “Santa Baby” dressed in a Russian shuba with nothing but a red G-string underneath and a red velvet dog collar, I generally fall asleep on the couch with my ass up, my legs spread, and the leftover Crisco from the cookies within easy reach on the coffee table.
- Invest in some creative props. For the kinky little sprites among us who want this night to be anything but silent, decorating can be both a mode of self-expression and a not-so-subtle hint to our partners about how we’d like to spend the night before Christmas. For example, I always tie my Christmas lights into an elaborate shibari rigging that dangles from the tree, just waiting for me to trip over the train set and “accidentally” fall into it. Once I’m bound, I have no choice but to wait for “Santa” to come down my chimney and free me—after, of course, he punishes me with his big nasty Santa cock for falling into the lights in the first place.Butt plug icicles are also a nice idea. Try painting a few butt plugs white and silver and hanging them over your window. That way when out on the lawn there arises such a clatter that you tear open your shutters and throw up the sash and yank down your pants and bend waaayyyy over the windowsill to see what’s the matter, Santa can sneak up behind you, grab a couple of these handy decorations, and pack your sleigh full of toys. Just DON’T use glitter paint.
- Don you now your gay apparel. This can be anything, as long as it’s not plaid or stirrup pants. I own over 200 Christmas ensembles, and while the number of costume changes I undergo each Christmas Day is exhausting, I think it’s worth it. And don’t just throw on one of those knitted holiday sweaters and call it a day. Put some thought in it! Christmas should be like Halloween, except scarier and with better outfits.Even if you end up on all fours wearing nothing but a pair of reindeer antlers, your own special Santa behind you slapping your ass and yelling, “Pull my sleigh! Yeah, come on, pull my sleigh, Blitzen!”—which is mostly for the benefit of the neighbors, since Mrs. Harlow has no sense of humor and called the town council to complain about your life-sized nativity scene featuring the three wise men in body harnesses and Mary leading Joseph on a leash; yet she gets to keep her repulsive Virgin in the bathtub up all year round—you’re still displaying plenty of holiday spirit.
- Crystal angels. I know a woman. I can get you her number. Call me.
- Family and friends… are the most important part of Christmas. Seriously. Appreciate them. Yell at them. Love them. Introduce them to the wonder that is Do Do Ra Nipple Lightening Cream–the blotchy-nippled among them with thank you for it. I wouldn’t be the master of brattery and baubles I am today without the people who love me, and who I love right back!!!
So that’s about all I got to say about Christmas, chickens! Play safe, and may your days be merry and bright!!
Twenty-one-year-old Lane Moredock finally has a normal life. Six months after he was wrongly made a suspect in his parents’ ponzi scheme, he’s settled down with his older boyfriend, Derek, and is working and attending school. But his happiness is threatened when his mother launches a Christmastime PR campaign to help appeal her prison sentence, and asks introverted Lane to be part of it.
Derek Fields has his hands full taking Santa photos, bird-sitting his sister’s foul-mouthed macaw, and helping Lane prepare for a television interview neither of them wants him to do. As he eases Lane through his anxiety, he worries that Lane sees him as a caretaker rather than a boyfriend, and that their age difference really does matter. He and Lane compensate for the stress in their lives by taking their D/s relationship to new levels–a relationship that Lane’s mother insists he should be ashamed of.
As Christmas draws nearer, the pressure builds. Pushy elves. Snarky subs. A bad fight. A parrot in peril. How the hell is Derek going to give Lane a perfect Christmas when the Moredock legacy threatens to pull them apart before the new year?
THE BOY WHO BELONGED is out now from Loose Id.
Lisa and J.A. are giving away a copy of The Boy Who Belonged to one lucky reader. Just leave a comment to enter. The contest closes on Monday, December 23rd at 11:59 pm EST.
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