Today I am so pleased to welcome J.L. Merrow to Joyfully Jay. She has come to talk to us about her latest release, Out!, a novel in the Shamwell Tales series. She has also brought along a great giveaway. Please join me in giving her a big welcome!
Beyond the Binary
Hi, I’m J.L. Merrow, and I’m delighted to be here as part of the Out! blog tour.
Today I’d like to talk about personal pronouns for those of us who don’t fall neatly into the gender binary.
I’m going to say upfront that I’m not myself genderqueer, nor am I even remotely an expert on this subject, and will be more than happy to be corrected on anything I’ve got wrong.
But with a nonbinary character in Out! who uses gender-neutral pronouns, and gender-neutral folk such as Ruby Rose becoming more prominent in public life, I thought it might be interesting to share some of the research I did on the subject of pronouns.
If someone is genderqueer/nonbinary*, obviously he and she aren’t appropriate, but what are the correct English pronouns to use?
I was quite surprised by the number of alternatives people have come up with. Ones I’ve seen used in practice include: (instead of, say, he, him, his)
– Zie, hir, hir
– Xe, xem, xyr
There are, however, many more, including:
– Ne, nem, nir
– Ve, ver, vis
– Ey, em, eir
For a fuller list, see: http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Pronouns
Just how likely are these innovative pronouns to be adopted, though?
Brace yourselves, here’s the science bit: While English is, and always has been, a constantly evolving language, there’s evidence that it’s much harder for syntactic function words, such as pronouns, to find a way in than it is for, say, a new noun like “blog” or “selfie.” And the very fact that there are so many possible variations makes it harder for them to find a foothold.
But do we even need them? It’s often said English doesn’t have gender-neutral singular pronouns. But in fact, the use of “they” to indicate a single person of indeterminate gender dates back centuries:
“A person can’t help their birth.”— W. M. Thackeray, Vanity Fair (1848)
“I would have every body marry if they can do it properly.”— Austen, Mansfield Park (1814)
“‘Tis meet that some more audience than a mother, since nature makes them partial, should o’erhear the speech.”— Shakespeare, Hamlet (1599)
I actually think the Hamlet one’s debatable, since “they” could refer to mothers, plural, but you can’t argue with this next one (mostly because you’ll be too busy trying to work out what the heck zie’s on about):
“And whoso fyndeth hym out of swich blame,
They wol come up . . .”
—Chaucer, The Pardoner’s Prologue (c. 1395)
“They” as a gender-neutral pronoun has a lot of advantages, chief of which is that everyone already knows how to pronounce it, how to spell it and how to use it. People are comfortable with it (some more so when they realise we’ve been using it singularly for centuries).
However, it may not be everyone’s cup of non-binary tea. So when you meet someone with non-normative gender, the best way to work out which pronouns you should use for them is probably this:
Just ask them.
*Although there’s a lot of overlap between the terms genderqueer and non binary, they’re not synonymous. Some people who identify as one will not identify as the other, and the Pride flags—illustrated here—are different. Nonbinary is generally seen to have fewer political connotations.
Blurb
When the costs are added up, will love land in the black?
Mark Nugent has spent his life in the closet—at least, the small part of it he hasn’t spent in the office. Divorced when he could no longer deny his sexuality, he’s sworn off his workaholic ways and moved to Shamwell with his headstrong teen daughter to give her a stable home environment.
His resolve to put his love life on hold is severely tested when he joins a local organization and meets a lively yet intense young man who tempts him closer to the closet threshold.
Patrick Owen is an out-and-proud charity worker with strong principles—and a newly discovered weakness for an older man. One snag: Mark is adamant he’s not coming out to his daughter, and Patrick will be damned if he’s going to start a relationship with a lie.
Between Mark’s old-fashioned attitudes and a camp, flirtatious ex-colleague who wants Mark for himself, Patrick wonders if they’ll ever be on the same romantic page. And when Mark’s former career as a tax advisor clashes with
Patrick’s social conscience, it could be the one stumbling block they can’t get past.
Warning: Contains historically inaccurate Spartan costumes, mangled movie quotes, dubious mathematical logic and a three-legged pub crawl.
Bio
JL Merrow is that rare beast, an English person who refuses to drink tea. She read Natural Sciences at Cambridge, where she learned many things, chief amongst which was that she never wanted to see the inside of a lab ever again. Her one regret is that she never mastered the ability of punting one-handed whilst holding a glass of champagne.
She writes across genres, with a preference for contemporary gay romance and mysteries, and is frequently accused of humour. Her novel Slam! won the 2013 Rainbow Award for Best LGBT Romantic Comedy, and her novella Muscling Through and novel Relief Valve were both EPIC Awards finalists.
JL Merrow is a member of the Romantic Novelists’ Association, International Thriller Writers, Verulam Writers’ Circle and the UK GLBTQ Fiction Meet organising team.
Find JL Merrow online at: www.jlmerrow.com, on Twitter as @jlmerrow, and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/jl.merrow
Giveaway
Prizes! I’m offering a prize of an ebook of the winner’s choice from my backlist to one lucky commenter at EVERY stop on the tour, plus a grand prize of a signed paperback copy of Played!, the second Shamwell Tale, which was the first one to feature Patrick from Out! I’m happy to ship worldwide, and I’ll throw in some small goodies as well. The giveaway closes February 1st.
Good luck!
- By entering the giveaway, you’re confirming that you are at least 18 years old.
- Winners will be selected by random number. No purchase necessary to win. The number of eligible entries received determines the odds of winning.
- If you win, you must respond to my email within 48 hours or another winner may be chosen. Please make sure that your spam filter allows email from Joyfully Jay.
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I noticed when reading Out! that everyone knew to refer to Lex as “they” and that neither you nor any of the characters made an issue of it, or discussed it. I assume that you did this deliberately, to make the point that it’s a perfectly normal pronoun, and we should all use it naturally.
*nods* Although to be fair, Patrick has known Lex for a while so is used to their pronouns. And Mark wouldn’t dare misgender them. At least, not with Fen in earshot! 😉
It is really weird that some words get adopted right away and others don’t. Maybe it’s a matter of overcoming ingrained conditioning…
I think if there’s a new thing, like, say, a selfie, which we haven’t had a term for before, it’s easy to learn the term for it – that’s how humans acquire language. It’s changing an already existing term/usage that people find harder. I know I’ve struggled when friends have changed their names – but then again, it’s not *that* difficult to get used to, either.
Thanks for an intriguing and informative post. [If you don’t drink tea, what hot beverage do you drink? Coffee, hot chocolate, Horlick’s? I’m guessing it wouldn’t be wise to drink champagne all the time!] I’m looking forward to reading Out!
My hot drink of choice is coffee, although I do drink herbal teas – almost unheard of in Britain when I was growing up, they’re becoming a bit more prevalent, thankfully for those of us who can’t stand “proper” tea! Although a seasonally-appropriate mulled wine never goes amiss. 😉
In my language, Swedish, we hav one gender binary pronoun and I think the discussion and use of it is interesting and I myself, though not gender queer, find it quite useful. It’s also interesting to see which word classes are open and which are closed, maybe it varies between languages but nouns and verbs seem the most open, and maybe adjectives, whereas prepositions, conjunctions and as you’ve mentioned pronouns are much less open to new additions.
I loved the way you used the gender binary pronoun in Out! and Lex is one of my favorite characters from the book. Seeing Mark’s hyper awareness of not crossing his daughter and struggling with using the correct words was a lot of fun, and it will be a long time before I forget his use of “person-friend”.
I had a great time reading the story, and I keep my fingers crossed there will be more stories from Shamwell.
I’m finding it quite hard to imagine new prepositions and conjunctions, so I think you’re right there!
And it’s very interesting how some languages are much more flexible than others when it comes to these issues.
So glad you enjoyed the book! 😀
Love watching lagnuage evolve to be all inclusive!
I think that’s a key point – language evolves, and always has done. Which is why I have little patience with pedants who insist that things can’t change, as if grammar were more important than people.
Queer/non-binary pronouns (and the people behind them) fascinate me, even if I find them grammatically frustrating at times. I’m excited to see this kind of awareness working its way further into the mainstream culture all the time.
*nods* I think awareness is key. Bigotry often comes from a position of ignorance.
Thanks for an interesting post . I did not know “they” has been used as a singular pronoun for so long. I also did not know there were so many variations for pronouns – some of those I have heard/seen before but not all of them.
I just started reading Played! last night and am enjoying it. 🙂
I think an awful lot of people have used “they” as a singular pronoun all their lives without really realising it, or that it’s not just “bad grammar”.
And glad you’re enjoying Played! 😀
Thanks for your post, which was very informative to me.
You’re welcome! 😀
It’s difficult to re-wire my brain to learn to use they/them as singular pronouns after so many years of being taught differently, however I’m doing my best to make a good effort because it’s important to people who are important to me & I’ve also learned how very easily it can change a person’s outlook when you take the time to make an effort to ask them their gender preferences. Thanks for the post & giveaway.
LOL! I never really got taught English grammar at school – it wasn’t trendy in the 70s – and I’ve never seen that as an advantage until now! But yes, while it might be a struggle at times I’m sure it can’t compare to constantly being referred to as something you’re not.
I was just talking about this subject at work yesterday. Very interesting. I read Out! last week and loved it. 🙂
Thank you! 😀
They and them works for me. As much as I would love there to be an actual recognized non-gendered singular pronoun, trying to keep everybody’s preference straight could be confusing. Honestly, though, I’ve only ever officially met one gender queer person, and she preferred she. It was a little anticlimactic.
What would be really great is if people used non-gender-specific pronouns more commonly, rather than only to refer to genderqueer people. There are lots of instances where gender is simply irrelevant – such as in legal documents, which could actually be streamlined by using non gender specific pronouns. We’d all be much more used to the idea, then!
Thanks for the cool post. I wasn’t aware of a lot of these. I have to imagine that someone has looked at why some words catch on in a language and others don’t. I wonder what people will be using say 10 years down the road when som eof these become more common.
*nods* I do love how language evolves! 🙂
Thanks for the interesting post!
You’re welcome! 🙂
Thank you for the informative. I haven’t seen many of these binary terms used.
You’re very welcome. 🙂
That was a really interesting post. If I want to be gender-neutral I generally use They or This person’s… whatever. I did not know about nonbinary pronoums… As an English language freak, I find the topic fascinating… I’m just going to research it on the internet as soon as I’m back from the office 🙂
susanaperez7140(at)gmail(dot)com
*g* I love words. Which given my profession is probably just as well!
I have to admit that I do not know any genderqueer /non binary individual but have just assumed that I would ask to avoid causing offense. I had not heard any of the terms listed except the “they” or “them”.My daughter attended Brown University where the culture is very politically correct so she has stressed that we should always ask.
This post has reinforced that practice. Thank you so much! I haven’t begun the series yet but it is on my list of WANT TO READ!
I love that young people today are in many cases growing up far more aware and accepting of minorities than past generations did. 🙂
A friend’s daughter’s friend is referred to as “they”. We were just discussing how confused my friend gets whenever her daughter tells a story about this person. We agreed there needs to be a better word.
I really believe it’s just a matter of getting used to it. Many languages have pronouns which serve double duty, for example the German Sie/sie, meaning the formal you, or they, depending on context. You just get so used to picking up the contextual clues to determine which one is meant that you barely even notice it.
Great post.
I like ‘zie’ and ‘zir’, but have friends who prefer ‘they’ and ‘their’.