For the LivingStory Rating: 3.75 stars
Audio Rating: 3.75 stars

Narrator: Charlie David
Length: 8 hours and 4 minutes

Audiobook Buy Links: Amazon/Audible | iBooks
Book Buy Links: Amazon | iBooks

Jay thought he loved his wife, but for the past year he’s been trying to tell her that he’s gay. Yet, the words won’t come. He feels guilty and conflicted, but before he has the chance to finally tell her, she dies suddenly.

Jay finally finds someone he can talk to in funeral director Scott Lawson. Scott knows what it’s like to struggle with coming out and offers Jay some insight and compassion. Moving past a conflict of interest, the men develop an easy friendship that quickly moves to more. Their connection is real and intense, but Jay is still grieving and struggling with guilt. It may not be the right timing for the two of them, but Jay has to realize what he has before it’s too late.

This book deals mostly with Jay and his conflicted feelings after his wife, Misty, dies in a car accident. He had wanted to tell her that he was gay, but could not find the words. He spent many nights pacing and drinking and being scared of what he had to do. He never wanted to hurt Misty, but he knew that he couldn’t give her what either of them needed, and he was so afraid to tell her or to tell anyone.

The first man Jay allows himself to be interested in is a little inconvenient as Scott is the funeral director for Misty’s service. But Scott acknowledges a potential conflict of interest and the story proceeds without feeling like either man is crossing a line. The men are attracted to each other, but also develop a friendship. Jay still has a lot to work through, however, regarding his guilt over Misty, as well as coming out to both his and Misty’s families.

Scott is careful with Jay and was just about the perfect match for Jay to take this journey with. But as their relationship progresses, Scott has to ask Jay some hard questions about where their relationship is headed and Jay not only doesn’t have all the answers, but is hesitant to look at his grieving process and how to move on. Jay is so conflicted and afraid of coming out that the story had a bit of a repetitive quality to it and there was just that bit of emotional connection that was missing for me. Jay is also shown to have an issue with drinking, but any further storyline with it is not touched upon and felt like a missing thread. This book wasn’t one that I couldn’t wait to finish, but it was an overall solid story about moving on and accepting who you are.

Charlie David was the narrator here and overall the audio was pleasant to listen to. David mostly reads the book without too much of a performance as Jay and Scott sounded mostly the same. He does inject some emotion at times, but only for some scenes and while that was well done, it wasn’t consistent. There was some internal narrative on Jay’s part and that was difficult to differentiate at times to what was being spoken. David does handles the grief scenes well as many thoughts were coming at Jay and his sense of being overwhelmed came through. The story and the performance were solid overall and would be a reasonable choice to listen to.

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