Rating: 4 stars
Buy Link: Amazon | iBooks | Amazon UK
Length: Novel
Alana is a high school senior who’s recently broken up with her best-friend/boyfriend, Ethan Gray. Gray is a perfect person, per Alana, who’s an overachiever and a very popular guy, but simultaneously super insecure. He requires a lot of bolstering, but she doesn’t mind this because it allows her to remain his best friend and stay super close to him. Alana doesn’t exactly know who she is if she isn’t “Gray’s Girl,” even if she’s recently accepted the fact that she is, in fact, lesbian. She feels really uncomfortable in their mutual friend group, sure all the straights want to undermine her deep platonic love for Gray. They live in rural Maine, so there are not a lot of options for friends if she and Gray can’t get along.
With a new school year comes a new girl, Talia, who’s just moved from Portland, Maine. Tal is tall and funny and beautiful. She’s the perfect next girlfriend for Gray, if Alana can help Tal see how great he is. Unfortunately, Alana is also attracted to Tal, and afraid it’s destined to be a miserable experience crushing on a straight girl. However, the more Alana and Tal interact, the more Alana seems to believe Tal isn’t a straight girl after all.
This is more a coming-of-age story than a romance, with Alana figuring out her future and how to navigate it, thanks to meeting Tal. She sees herself in queer spaces, makes friends with queer people, and finds her purpose, mostly due to an act of homophobic vandalism that leaves her unmoored. Alana also experiences outing by a person who had been a friend (a frenemy), which could feel traumatic to some readers.
I liked the story told from the messy, angsty inside of a high school girl’s brain; it felt like Inside Out 3 with all the thoughts whizzing around Alana’s head. She’s very intuitive, and doubts the intentions of most of the people she’s been “friends” with for her whole childhood. She’s not the Queen Bee, and she is fine with that, but she also doesn’t want to be a pariah. Alana’s very human and humble, honestly. She doesn’t anticipate dating again in high school, and her attraction to Tal is frustrating and unsettling. And glorious. I loved how she sought to do better and find purpose when life got even more complicated and it looked like all her friends were turning on her. It was awesome watching Alana finally stand on her own two feet–while wearing Gray’s stolen jacket–and examine her core desires, and how those could guide her on a new path, away from her codependent life with Gray into something more healthy.
The book started out murky for me, due to all the characters, their nicknames, and Alana’s internal monologue, but I soon got into the swing of it. There are nice small town life vignettes, and good growth for all the characters. While it’s not a traditional romance, there is a connection and a happily ever after.
